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Matrix

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wow its been awhile [03 Jun 2002|11:06pm]
its been a long time since iver written in here...i hacent really been home too much lately....but now i am... yay! there is so much to tell that im not gonna do it now cause i need some sleep...nigh tn bye all
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hmmm... [24 Mar 2002|07:48pm]
[ mood | crazy ]

this weekend was sooo much fun.... on friday my sis picked me up and we went to the charcol pituntil like 1am, when we were there, one of my sisters friends (who is really hot) was hitting on me, and then rob, sarahs boyfriend, told him to stay away and leave me alone, grrrr... haha, it was fun. then after we left there we went to teh kirkwood kitchen, then on to sarahs appt. oh yeah at the pit i got 2 free cans of reddi whip, yummy, i love whipped cream, and no its not for whippets, haha. then sat we picked up rog and went to west chester for my lil guard to preform. after all the kids parents had claimed them we left there at 2 and went home. i finally finished my 8 pg gym paper today and my grandmothers lil dog is over. already im making plans for spring break, its gonna kick ass!!!!

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lalala.....lalala......lalala...lala [12 Mar 2002|10:22pm]
[ mood | artistic ]

im really bored...i had to tape a movie tonight, and i was also able to order more clothes from alloy...the rest of my order for the year..and my mom and i will be doctoring up my old clothes that i cant wear anymore. im having ufn doing it too! hehe lala...its gonna be fun when im finally finished. i havent updated in awhile. but there hasnt been much to update... yeah ive had a few mroe episodes, and i still am having problems walking, cause it still hurts...but nada new. jr prom was fri adn was fun, although i think getting there and coming home was a lil more fun then the actual prom was..oh well. i dunno.. my mom has decided that i need to go on a diet, and shes right...but its not cause of my weight...its cause of my blood sugar. i cant have anymore sugar, or high carb foods for a loooonnnngggg time, and i have to drink lotsa agua.
and itll make me feel better, just healtheir. also im gonna try bike riding, casue itll make my legs feel a lil bit better, so anyone who wants to join me can. i also need the air.. and i need to do mroe outside, i cant spend the next coupla monthes sitting inside and veggitateing... i need to get out more, and give myself a life, even with guard taking most of my time, but that will also be over really soon... then i will go back to working, but not too much, i mean i will only have 2 days to start off with, at most anyway. so ill be able to ahve some free time then too. im also going to start majorly saving money, for my tattoos, peircings, and college, even though i might not be going full time to my chioce college right away... anyway, i gotta go, aight? peace n late

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lalala.... [25 Feb 2002|10:18pm]
[ mood | blank ]

hmm its mon night.i had to work with the lil brats today.. luckily i only suffer with tehm until may.... ahhh first week in may... oh yeah my sis sarah's bf rob got my a ticket the the Incubus concert, which is the same day as my sis stephanys college graduation..hmmmmmm.....and oh yeah, summer if u want a place to stay for week or two my sis sarahs appt has a lil bit of room...if u dont mind a zoo...
im getting ready for jr prom, but i wanan wear my vans sneakers and my rubber/plastic jewlrey..but i dont know anyone else who is.... im still fighting with stephany a lot.... shes being a bitch..... luckily my rents have chilled on my grades, casue i think they see im actaully trying hard...
and im goign to go to a pshycologist soon.... i have to..no choice..... anwya i gotta run, ttylaight? peace late to yall...

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lalala [20 Feb 2002|03:25pm]
[ mood | artistic ]




Which Star-Crossed Marvel Lover Are You?


im home and bored....i have abusy weekend coming up, work fri, show all day sat, and 6 hr practice on sun.... this weeks show is in norristown. bleagh.
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???ugh??? [16 Feb 2002|05:43pm]
[ mood | worried ]

ok..i dont know what to do, i jsut got off hte phone with rog a lil bit ago..we were supposed to be able to hang out today...and it didnt work out, we were also supposed to hang out yesterday...and we couldnt...yesterday i had to get my shots and my mom took me to see sarah, and then i had to come home and go to work,today practice, then my mom decided he couldnt come over..i called him to tell him and he got really upset, it sounded like he was goona cry, i then felt so guilty i started crying adn i havent stopped yet...i always feel like shit because i can never hang out with him, and i know that soon he is goign to get sick of it and dump me, and maybe its for the better, i care about him sooooo much, and i know that every time i cant do somethign because of some other reason that it hurts him which hurts me .. i just dont know what to do anymore....... i dont want to lose him, and i know if i dump him i wont even be able to keep teh friendship that we have in our relationship....but i have no idea what i want to do, i want to still be with him, but i literally have no time to be with him, and when that time comes up i cant becasue of my rents.... between work and guard and pt i cant see him..... i even told him that, and he said it was ok,yet y does he always make me feel so horrible.. my moms reason for saying no was because i had a 7 hour practice and have been sick all week, im also "exhausted". i can where she is right, but it still upsets me, i dunno...i jsut dont have time for a relationship right now, but i also dont want to break up with him...... im soooo confused!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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in school and bored [01 Feb 2002|09:47am]
[ mood | chipper ]

ok, im in english and supposed to be looking up more info for my researchpaper..woohoo... i have to diff servers up so i can do this without being caught.... so bored, and i havent seen roger yet...well since b4 homeroom, but that doesnt count..::tear::and my minni manna is still sick, and i have had her b day present in my backpack for awhile.... and i havent talked to my lil ghetto girl maggie in awhile.... i need sleep! and yeah the idiot that i am looked at the burning magnessium, even after mr gellner said not to, so now my normal spot is darker, pink is now a light shade or purple. ooopppsss. well he said that there wasnt any actualy cases of it happening..so now there is...cool i gotta some music now... anyway i gotta do some actual work buh byes, lylas



::burn baby burn::

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lala [28 Jan 2002|11:59am]
[ mood | blank ]

ok, its monday, i know im supposed to be in school but my tummy feels funny and my head is still all fuzzed up. i need to go night nights again. finally the rockford scare is over, im away from having to go there for awhile now..hopefully. my mom hasnt found me a phsycologist yet...but i think ill be ok for a lil while longer without it. my life has kinda slowed down a lil bit...it still is really crazy, i mean, i started physical therapy again, and instructing is in full swing...but now that midterms are over i can get started on my research project again.
oh yeah i was also FINALLY told that i can go to the linkin park cypress hill concert. yay yay yay. hehe.
its kinda weird, even with my schedule as insane as it is, i still go to see roger on fri night, which i needed to...and i still get to see mal and kym..so thats good. but now since my 2 studyhalls are gone and i ahve painting adn drawing, im gonna be evenmore overloaded with homework. but i gotta go.....ill c u all later, late n luvs

ps. stephany is coming home this weekend, (yes chris the cute one lol)..yuck..well i know this weekend will be hell, maybe i can go to sarahs..which reminds me, since she will be at petco for the application, i can get crickets for my un named froggy! yeah sarahs here!

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wow [19 Jan 2002|08:06pm]
[ mood | crazy ]

yeah, today has been the first day i haev been online in awhile, or that i have read live journal. my last entry was taken wrong...i dont feel forgotten or that no one loves me. it was jsut a observation.... see the way i veiw the world is a hell ofva lot diff then everyone else. i say fuck it all. fuck the world, u know...its interesting how much better life is when u dont care about jack shit! and many times it may not seem that way, but i reacently adapted this outlook, and i love it! i mean i do still ahve alotta issues i have to work out! and i am going to be getting help for it. and im sorry i havent been calling everyone, but today is the first day i havent had ANYTHING to do. literally everyday i have some appt or practice or work, and it is annoying, but itll be better in may! but the other thing is, i cant change my life to co-incide with others, because i have to live my life just to live it out and to make it mine. yes friends to combine in my plans, and yes i will admiot a helkl of a lot less then id like, but this summer i will be able to make it up to u all! i promise... anyway im going back to what im doing. oh yeah btw i DO have a phone, and cell phone in case anyone would care to use it!

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[13 Jan 2002|11:27pm]
its so weird how only one or two people actually noticed i havent written in here inso long, it kinda makes me feel forgotten, by alotta people
and even though i hope i wanst, it will always feel that way, thank you to those who i know were worried when they didnt see my name come up for updates, they and i know who they are, and to those others, i guess im not that impprtant...
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[12 Dec 2001|09:32pm]
Rockford... thats where my mom wanted to take me tonight, and she still might... as i walked into the house crying i told her everything that had been going wrong, and all i had been doing... she said shes going to take me to a good psyhcologist, but if i dont get one soon enough, shes going to admit me, which is the best thing she can do... dissorders and depression run in her side of the family, sarah, stephany, and ever herself all have one, and now me, ive known i have had a problem for awhile, and was once diagnosed, but now its all officail..... anyway i gotta go, cause im cold.. night n bye n love to all!
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whatever [11 Nov 2001|09:55pm]
[ mood | frustrated ]

i understand that i may have said somethign sooner, and please forgive me for trying to comfort a upset friend, a good friends who i hate it when she is upset, i realize u said u were being a bitch, and u were..and i know u say observations like that..im sorry i was venting, u do it too ya know, maybe i should jsut give up on this journal shit and not post anymore entries or etc cause im sick of all this bullshit that is going on!!!!!!!!!!!! as uve said before yourself, journals are for venting, u are supposed to write about things that upset u, or things that change, and just things, everything has to be taken personally i guess, i guss im just a horrible person, maybe i shouldnt be here anymore, rog n evyerone would get over..ya know im jsut sick of everything and the world, u dont like me blow me! Fuck it all, and im out!

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[24 Oct 2001|10:01pm]
[ mood | excited ]

OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG (get the pic) i just told rog i liked him n OMGOMGOMG yay yay yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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sooooo tierd!!!!!!!!!!! [07 Oct 2001|08:48am]
[ mood | exhausted ]

omg!!!!!!! yesterday n last night was sooooooo much fun!!!!! soo sorry mal if u were bored durin the day! but the dance and after rocked!!!!!!!!!!so much happend im def not gonna put it all heere...but i will say..charcol pit and haudi(hottie),paul.bussing in our outfits..hehehe byes

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i dont feel like writing much [27 Sep 2001|11:18pm]
[ mood | sore ]

i got my permit..and then it all went downhill from there....i had to go to work, and we were soooo busy and eveevn though the $$ is good..my whole arm is now numb and burning and itmgly..and my mom wants me to get an MRI done cause its only gotten worse..adn i need to go now..extreme fuzzyness in frnt ofds m y eysses

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.... [26 Sep 2001|11:41pm]
[ mood | sore ]

Fade


I try to breathe
Memories overtaking me
I try to face them but
the thought is too
Much to conceive

I only know that I can change
Everything else just stays the same
So now I step out of the darkness
That my life became 'cause

I just needed someone to talk to
You were just too busy with yourself
You were never there for me to
Express how I felt
I just stuffed it down
Now I'm older and I feel like
I could let some of this anger fade
But it seems the surface
I am scratching
Is the bed that I have made

So where were you
When all this I was going through
You never took the time to ask me
Just what you could do

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whatever [20 Sep 2001|04:13pm]
[ mood | sore ]

ok...apparently i pissed a certain someone off..and that person jumped all over me for something i wasnt even aware that i was doing...and it wasnt fair to be flipped out at because of something i said..i didnt mean to say it in the way that is was perceived..and im sorry that this person took it as such..but it was not fair that this erson flipped a shit at me and jumped all over me for something that wasnt even there..i didnt appriciate it..and like i said in my subject..whatever...

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i got to drive [15 Sep 2001|02:09pm]
[ mood | sore ]

my sis is letting me drive her car!!!!! i need more meds...bye

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owwie [13 Sep 2001|10:44pm]
[ mood | sore ]

owwie my neck hurts..stupid cliff jumping idea...anyway..im now on muslce relaxents..and i had x rays done....im gonan go cause i hurt!!!!!

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owwie [12 Sep 2001|10:59pm]
[ mood | sore ]

i hurt so much..i am very sore and in pain...i talked to wally n travis n mike...but im tierd and i hurt..night nights

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